


I Miss You (Don't Go)

by unloyalstan



Category: iKON (Korea Band)
Genre: Light Angst, M/M, Mutual Pining, Unresolved Tension, mentions of chanwoo, vlive inspired
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-08
Updated: 2017-10-08
Packaged: 2019-01-10 14:09:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,327
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12300747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/unloyalstan/pseuds/unloyalstan
Summary: Jinhwan isn’t that drunk yet, but he wished he is, because in that way, Junhoe’s words wouldn’t have this big effect on him.





	I Miss You (Don't Go)

Jinhwan let the smile fall from his lips the moment he closed and ended his solo broadcast on Vapp. He’s really not drunk, despite the fans’ comments throughout the broadcast. He doesn’t even have any alcoholic bottle or wine purchased right now ( _though he wished he had bought some)_ He wasn’t drunk, he was just bored…. and very lonely.

According to their managers, they were given individual rooms so they could rest properly before their actual concerts instead of just fooling around all night. The members, however, were clearly not used to being left alone, judging by their very active Kakao Talk group chat which mostly consisted of messages such as ‘ _come to my room’ ‘let’s eat together’_ and _‘im lonely’._ Jinhwan, who rarely reads and responds to their messages nowadays, found himself glued to his phone for hours, crying for the same thing. He could just come to their rooms to end his misery but his bed was too comfortable he doesn’t even want to move.

Jinhwan just took a warm bath to freshen himself up a bit, and when he went back to check his phone, he was surprised to see that there were no new notifications from their group chat.

After bombarding their group chat with questions about their whereabouts and receiving no replies, Jinhwan having nothing better to do, decided to start a live broadcast to kill his boredom. Now that he thought about it, Jinhwan doesn’t know if starting the broadcast was the best thing to do because he just ended up making a fool of himself by calling out his members’ names one by one, and mentioning random stuff. He’s not even wearing his pants. He’s also sure that he just gave his members more content that they could use to bully him more in the future.

Jinhwan has his own room back in Korea but normally, on their rare free time overseas, Junhoe would come visit him in his room and they would either play games, talk or drink together. However, Junhoe was acting weird lately, distancing himself from him, leaving him baffled and lonely. They still acted the same during fan meets, concerts and other shows—flirting and teasing each other, but when the red light on the camera turned off, or when they were back at the safe confines of their dorm, it became hard for Jinhwan to approach the younger. Junhoe’s nightly visits on his room stopped too. At first, he thought that maybe Junhoe was just really busy as he claimed to be, but Jinhwan could still see him hanging out with other members, most specifically with Yunhyeong. Junhoe and Yunhyeong were close just like the rest, but because of their opposing personalities, they were rarely seen alone together before. Jinhwan can’t help but to think of some things. He wanted to talk to him, but because of their concert preparations and Junhoe’s seemingly even busier schedule whenever Jinhwan would come to him, the talk was always pushed back.

This has been going for weeks, and undeniably, Jinhwan missed Junhoe’s presence, more than he liked to admit.

Jinhwan wasn’t drunk, but he might as well be so he could just sleep it off and forget all the embarrassing things that he did earlier. Maybe, the alcohol could wash all his conflicting feelings away.

 

Jinhwan laid down on his bed for a few minutes, waiting if any members would come and keep him company after his attempt at calling them out. He waited and waited, but almost an hour of waiting and he was still alone. Realizing that no one will come, Jinhwan heaved a deep sigh before standing up to change his clothes. If they won’t come to his room, then he will come and bother them on their rooms instead.

The first room that he checked was Junhoe’s, but he was nowhere in sight. Junhoe’s room was actually located down the hall, but no, Jinhwan doesn’t skip others’ because he was playing favorites. The state of his room was a mess, and if anyone would happen to see it, they might think that someone went in to robbed something. Jinhwan wasn’t just anyone though, so this scene doesn’t deter him any bit. Half folded clothes were on the bed while the rest of the contents of Junhoe’s luggage were scattered everywhere. Nothing was missing except for the owner himself. Jinhwan pushed down the ugly feeling that was starting to bloom in his chest. He closed the door softly behind him, after checking that Junhoe was really out. He tried to be positive because after all, there were still 5 rooms to go.

 

Jinhwan dragged Chanwoo outside to buy a cheap wine, or any drinks that the local convenience store could offer. Jinhwan busied himself in choosing between unfamiliar beers and cans, all the while ignoring Chanwoo’s grumbles at the side who was clearly unimpressed with Jinhwan’s interruption with his precious quality time with games. Donghyuk is sleeping while the rest are out, so Chanwoo became the unofficial sacrificial lamb tonight. Jinhwan is almost sorry to Chanwoo, but he can’t spend his entire night alone.

Jinhwan wasn’t drunk, but he will be tonight.

 

 

Jinhwan let Chanwoo go when he claimed to be drunk just after their second bottle. He stopped himself from asking ‘why’, because Chanwoo is not Junhoe, who could easily match him when it comes to drinking. “ _Great, just another thing to add on ‘What I Missed about Junhoe’ list”_

He was currently on his way to his 3rd bottle, half sitting, half laying on his chair, when he heard the door open. Jinhwan took a sip before slumping further on his chair. His eyes began to see doubles, so he closed his eyes for a bit, while massaging his temples.

“Chanwoo, I thought you were drunk already?” Jinhwan still had his eyes closed, but he could hear that the footsteps halted in front of him. “I told you to sleep. I’ll be fine on my own.”

“I’m not Chanwoo.”

Upon recognizing the voice, Jinhwan immediately opened his eyes to look at the intruder—which he instantly regretted right after, for the bright lights just hurt his eyes. The pain went straight to his head, and he groaned in irritation while clutching his head with his hands. Damn lights.

The person murmured something, before walking away. He opened his eyes slowly, after waiting for a few seconds for the ache to subside. He turned to look in front and sure enough, Junhoe was there, sitting at the previous seat that was occupied by Chanwoo. Junhoe was looking at him with an unreadable expression on his face.

“Where did you go?” Jinhwan still has to blink a few times to adjust to the bright lights, but over-all, he could still hold himself up to start a conversation.

Junhoe was just staring blankly at him, and Jinhwan was beginning to feel uncomfortable.

“You drank with Chanwoo?” There was a certain hardness on Junhoe’s voice, a certain edge that went straight through his heart. He would have had playfully scolded the younger for ignoring his question, but Jinhwan could see a slight frown on Junhoe’s lips—he didn’t know if he’s just seeing things or not, but he hated it. Jinhwan hated him seeing sad or upset so he just let it pass. Junhoe was clearly on a bad mood so he tried to smile at him to lift the mood up.

“Yeah. I went to check up on you guys but you were all gone.” Jinhwan unconsciously pouted a little before continuing, “Chanwoo and I are the only ones left so I dragged him outside~” He didn’t know why he felt lightheaded and significantly bright now that Junhoe was in his room. Maybe he was beginning to feel the effects of the alcohol. Jinhwan drank all the remaining content on his glass, before putting it aside.

Junhoe remained unresponsive, and it made Jinhwan feel anxious. “I forgot Chanwoo can’t drink that much though,” Jinhwan was spurting nonsense, trying to fill the silence between them. “After his third glass his face was already so red! He looks so cute, like a tom—"

“Why Chanwoo?” The usual playfulness in Junhoe’s voice was gone.

The question was left hanging in the air. Junhoe was straightforward, but he was never rude. Jinhwan let his smile fall.

“I just told you that he was the only one available.” Jinhwan replied calmly, as he rearranged his position in his chair properly. He pulled his legs up in the chair, hugging it close to his chest. He rested the side of his face on his knees, in a way that still allowed him to look at Junhoe. Jinhwan got a chance to have a proper look of Junhoe ever since he came to his room, and that’s when he noticed that the younger looked tense, which he never saw him act like whenever they’re together. Something is definitely wrong, and Jinhwan wanted to know it now.

Jinhwan patiently waited for Junhoe to continue, but all he received was a sigh.

“This isn’t going to work, I’ll go, you should also sleep.”

Junhoe started to rise up from his seat, and Jinhwan began to panic.

“Don’t go!” Jinhwan planted his feet on the ground—the sudden movement made him slightly dizzy, but he chose to ignore it. Junhoe was finally here, and he won’t let him go easily, now that they finally have the chance to be alone together after weeks. Jinhwan won’t let this opportunity slip away.

The outburst startled Junhoe, successfully stopping him from going. He slowly sat back on his chair, prompting Jinhwan to continue.

“I miss you.” Jinhwan added in a hushed voice. Jinhwan saw how Junhoe’s eyes widen slightly before looking away. “I miss you,” Jinhwan repeated, as he looked down in embarrassment, “so don’t go.”

Jinhwan didn’t know where he got all this useless courage. Maybe the alcohol in his system helped him a bit, or maybe he was already reaching his limit.

He glanced up at Junhoe, but the younger was still looking away. He had his brows furrowed, a sign that he was thinking about something.

Jinhwan grabbed the remaining bottle at the table. He’s not drunk enough to do this. The sound of the bottle being opened must have had snapped Junhoe from his thoughts, because he finally turned to look at Jinhwan again.

“Stop drinking, you’re already drunk. You’re starting to make no sense.” Junhoe was frowning again, and Jinhwan desperately wanted to wipe it off from his face. Junhoe looked best when he was smiling; it’s a shame on his handsome face to see him frown.

“This is just my second bottle. I’m not drunk.” Jinhwan might have to clear his vision for a few times, but other than that, he could still hold himself up. He could still process his words, that’s why when Junhoe evaded him like that, it stung. “I really miss you.”

Once the cap was off, Jinhwan proceeded to pour some on his glass, but even before he could do that, he was stopped when Junhoe snatched the bottle off from his grasp. Jinhwan just watch in daze as Junhoe grabbed the bottle’s cap to seal it again, set it aside, and wordlessly went back to his seat.

Junhoe didn’t say anything, not until a few minutes later.

“We meet every day. Why would you miss me?”

“Stop pretending like nothing is wrong!” Fed up with all the happenings, Jinhwan unintentionally snapped at him. He was too tired, and he just wanted them to go back to the way they used to be. He just wanted Junhoe to talk to him, because he can’t go on with his life in confusion anymore. They were fine before, the closest among the members, but to have Junhoe drifting away from him without any clear explanation, hurts him so much.

Junhoe flinched a little, and Jinhwan instantly regretted raising his tone. “Why did things suddenly change? Why are you avoiding me?”, he added in a much softer voice, with a tinge of desperation clear in his voice.

“We’re not in front of the cameras.” Junhoe replied curtly, but he still wasn’t looking at him.

Jinhwan was taken aback by his vague answer. What does Junhoe possibly meant by that?

“There were no fans around. We were just supposed to fool around in front of them, but it’s just the two of us. No need to pretend.” Junhoe paused, contemplating for a bit, before continuing, “You’re just drunk.”

Jinhwan could feel his heart breaking. He tried to blink back the tears that were starting to cloud his vision. Jinhwan long stopped crying over things, but when it comes to matters concerning Junhoe, it’s hard to control himself.

“You think I’m just fooling around? That I’m just always playing? Is that what it is?” Jinhwan hated how his voice sounded so vulnerable even on his own ears. “You’re special Junhoe. I thought you knew that. I care about you. A lot.”

He looked at Junhoe, who was finally looking at him. Jinhwan saw a flash of guilt, dejection and something unfamiliar on his eyes, but it was gone before he could even identify it. It’s unfair, really, how Junhoe could easily mask his feelings with indifference. Jinhwan was beginning to break down in front of him, but Junhoe remained stoic.

“You’re drunk. You won’t even remember what you’re saying right now.”

Jinhwan was slowly starting to hate that word. He isn’t drunk but why do people like to insist that he is? He isn’t drunk yet, but he wished he is, because in that way, Junhoe’s words wouldn’t have this big effect on him.

High with pain and overcome with a sudden adrenaline rush, Jinhwan pushed his chair backwards, and began to trudge his way to Junhoe. He stumbled a little on his short trip, almost tripping on the bottles and other things that were scattered on the ground. Junhoe was clearly surprised, especially when he ungracefully landed on his lap. Jinhwan was waiting for Junhoe to push him away, but when the younger’s hands immediately rested on his waist to support him, he relaxed a little.

Jinhwan lifted his hands to place it on the younger’s chest. Junhoe still wore the same agitated look on his face, but Jinhwan could feel how fast his heartbeat was under his palms, which mirrored his own’s. Junhoe kept on avoiding his gaze, so he grabbed the younger’s face in between his hands, forcing him to look at him. They stared at each other for a while, gazes trying to weigh the situation they were in. Jinhwan let his eyes roam on Junhoe’s face, and it suddenly struck him how much he missed the younger. He almost forgot how dark Junhoe’s eyes are, and how captivating it was. Junhoe closed his eyes, as Jinhwan began to delicately trace his features with his hands, as if he was the most prized China that would shatter if given any pressure. Jinhwan continued to caress Junhoe’s face, and when his hands finally came in contact with Junhoe’s lips, the younger opened his eyes.

For the first time tonight, Jinhwan could see behind Junhoe’s tough façade. Eyes are known as the window of one’s soul, and right now, Junhoe was looking at him longingly—eyes so full of raw affection, it made Jinhwan cry.

When Jinhwan’s eyes dropped the first tear, Junhoe immediately brought his hand up to wipe it away. He stared as the younger fumbled under him, worry etched across his face when Jinhwan silently cried harder. Jinhwan was overcome with emotions that he was desperately trying to push at the back of his mind for weeks. He whispered something, which clearly threw the younger off guard, and before he knew it, he was already leaning forward to capture Junhoe’s lips. Jinhwan closed his eyes, savoring Junhoe’s soft lips against his, but when he felt how the hand on his waist stilled, he quickly drew back.

Jinhwan knew that he fucked up big time.

He was breathing hard, tears streaming down his face, while continuously muttering apologies to Junhoe. His vision was blurred with tears, and his hands were gripping his shirt. He has his head down, because he can’t afford to look at Junhoe’s possibly disgusted expression. He can’t take it.

Jinhwan tried to keep his feelings for years, locked away deep inside his heart where it belonged. It’s supposed to stay hidden, because falling in love with one of your group member/male best friend in South Korea was almost synonymous to someone asking for death. Jinhwan was sure he’ll lost everything tonight, just because he let his stupid feelings get ahead of him.

A hand softly pushed his head up, and then warm soft lips suddenly enclosed his own trembling ones. Jinhwan widened his eyes, mind going haywire at the turn of events. Junhoe then tilted his head to the side, experimentally moving his lips against Jinhwan. Jinhwan was stunned, unmoving, but when Junhoe grabbed and squeezed his hands softly, Jinhwan tried to dispel all the lingering thoughts away, as he closed his eyes and finally responded back.

Their kiss was slow and gentle, just like how it always is on Jinhwan’s dreams. Sure, it didn’t happen under the most favorable situation, but they were finally kissing, and that alone was enough for Jinhwan.

 

The two broke away after a while because of the lack of air, and by then, Jinhwan stopped crying too. Junhoe was smiling fondly at him, something that he hasn’t seen him do lately, as he gently wiped the remaining tears. Jinhwan just stared at Junhoe, having his mind blanked out after the kiss. Junhoe then readjusted their position so he could sit on his lap comfortably, then his head was pushed at the crook of the younger’s neck. A hand soothingly rubbed back, which slowly lulled Jinhwan to sleep.

Jinhwan wanted to ask a thousand questions, he wanted to clarify things between them, but the hand on his back was comforting and Junhoe’s humming something at his ear. All the emotional rollercoaster must have drained him out, because he could feel himself falling asleep a few moments later.

"I meant what I said. Please don't push me away." Jinhwan found himself mumbling, and then he was off to dreamland, without even waiting for Junhoe's reply.

 

 

 

 

 

 

Junhoe looked at Jinhwan who was softly sleeping in his arms. Jinhwan has always been small and Junhoe strangely liked it, because he fits just right in Junhoe’s embrace.

After making sure that Jinhwan was already fast asleep, he lifted him up carefully, to place him on his bed so the elder could rest properly.

Junhoe debated whether he should stay with Jinhwan as he slept. Jinhwan looked so vulnerable curled up in the middle of the bed, unbelievably tiny and childlike, so Junhoe let himself be selfish for tonight as he climbed on the bed to slip beside Jinhwan. Junhoe gathered the elder back on his arms, pulling the blanket up to cover them both. Jinhwan, despite smelling a bit of alcohol, and with tear marks on his cheeks, looked absolutely beautiful. He always looked beautiful in Junhoe’s eyes, and for the first time tonight, he finally did something about it.

Things were far from being settled between the two of them, and there were still a lot to sort out. They still have to sit down and have a long serious talk about it. However, Junhoe knew that after tonight, things were bound to change. He just hoped that it’s for the better.

Junhoe kissed Jinhwan’s forehead before pulling him closer to his side. Jinhwan soft puffs of breath against his neck calmed him down—his eyes began to feel heavy, and he finally allowed himself to drift, but not before whispering something.

 _“I missed you too.”_ And I like you too.

 

**Author's Note:**

> moved to @jinhwanphobia uwu


End file.
